


The Rules of Attraction

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-10-09
Packaged: 2018-02-20 11:21:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2426864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Tingly is good.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rules of Attraction

**Author's Note:**

> I woke up this morning and the beginning was in my head, by the end of our weekly staff meeting I had the middle, and around closing time I was writing out the end. This is not what they pay me for.

“Hey boss man,” Garcia whistled. “You're looking good. Seriously good, sharp as a tack in fact. I really like.” She ran her hand over the lapel of his coal grey suit. “The silver blue tie with the black shirt…did someone slip you a GQ? You should see your face, it looks too miserable to be dressed this hot.” The smile left her face. “Are you going to a funeral?”

 

“No, a blind date.”

 

“Oh my God,” Garcia gasped. “I mean, sorry.”

 

“I think I might be too. How did I get roped into this?”

 

“Blind dates can be fun. I have been on lots and while some have been horrid, some have led to nice second dates. What's she like?”

 

“This is truly a blind date. I just realized I don’t even know the woman’s name. We’re supposed to meet at Equinox…she is wearing a maroon shirt.”

 

“Well she is going to think it’s her lucky day when she sees you.”

 

“Am I supposed to feel nauseous, Garcia? That cannot be normal. Everyone keeps telling me to jump back in with both feet, to get on with my life. The ink is barely dry on my divorce papers and people are pushing me out there. I don’t know if I was ever out there in the first place. Out there is quite scary.”

 

“It can be.” Garcia replied. “And by the way, while the way single womanhood got you back was less than ideal, they are quite ready to welcome you back with open arms.”

 

“Thanks.” Hotch smiled. “Haley and I met in college, you know. I had a few girlfriends before and none after. I cannot believe I am telling you this but I have no idea what to do.”

 

“You'll pass with flying colors.”

 

“How do you figure?”

 

“Because you're going to be yourself. Not FBI, Unit Chief Extraordinaire, but Aaron Michael Hotchner, Esq. of Richmond, VA. The guy with the Ivy League education and dimples to spare.”

 

“I'm sorry?” Hotch cleared his throat.

 

“C'mon. You are handsome, smart, funny, and women like that. Just let go and talk. Ask her innovative questions like her favorite song, what she wanted to be when she grew up, or her quirkiest hobby. Compliment her shoes, if they are nice. Tell an embarrassing story about yourself…not too embarrassing. Drunken college stories usually go over the best. Show your silly side; I have seen it once or twice. Do not talk about work. I cannot stress enough that the word Unsub will kill the whole evening. Oh, and your hands.”

 

“What about them?”

 

“There are certain body parts that women gravitate towards, and I don’t mean that in a dirty way. Well, maybe but not on the first date.” Garcia smiled. “Eyes are number one of course, but hands are a very high number two.” She took his hand. “You have a gorgeous pair and you need to show them off.”

 

“I don’t know…”

 

“Don't gesticulate wildly or anything, just be subtle. Trust me. Oh and one more thing.”

 

“Just one?” Hotch smirked.

 

“If she offers to pay for dinner, let her.”

 

“No way.” He shook his head.

 

“Look, modern, savvy women of the world enjoy men, they do not need them. Trying to talk her out of it and doing it yourself is archaic. You have the added bonus, if you had a nice time, to say I got it next time. Throw in I promise, flash those dimples and you're set.”

 

“I can't believe I'm doing this.” Hotch mumbled. “OK, dimples, hands, no work, let her be savvy and modern…if she wants to be. I think I got it.”

 

“Good.” Garcia patted his back. “Instinct is going to kick in as soon as you get there. You will be surprised that you know exactly how to handle yourself. Most dates aren’t disasters because of something you did wrong; it’s incompatibility. Even if it sucks with a great person, you will still feel all tingly afterwards. Tingly is good.”

 

“Tingly is good.” Hotch repeated. “Thank you Garcia; I needed that.” he stopped halfway to the elevator. “I suppose I don’t have to tell you…”

 

She smiled, locking her lips and throwing away the key. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”

 

He grinned, getting onto the open elevator. Hotch took a deep breath and realized he was trembling. He was in his 40s now…it had been almost 2 decades since he had gone on a date. Garcia’s advice was moving through his head like a broken record. She made it sound as if he might actually be able to do this. He looked down at his hands, apparently a good pair. Did women actually look at things like that?

 

As he walked out of the building into the warm evening, Hotch found his tongue was practically stuck to the roof of his mouth. His mind was also going blank. Jumping in with both feet was turning into headfirst. His watch told him he might also be running late. That was not the best first impression. He sighed as he slid into his truck. It was now or never.

 

***

 

“I am going to kill Dave.” Hotch said, despite the smile spreading across his face and the weights lifting from his shoulders.

 

“Dave?” Emily raised an eyebrow. “JJ set this up, or should I say she set me up.” She looked around the front of the restaurant. “Are we being Punk’d?”

 

“It’s altogether possible.” He started laughing. “We should get our table before we lose it…reservations at Equinox are not easy to come by.”

 

Hotch held out his arm. Emily took it and they walked to the hostess stand together.

 

“Eight o’clock reservation under Hotchner.” He said.

 

“Of course.” The hostess smiled. “Mr. and Mrs. Hotchner, right this way.”

 

Hotch and Emily looked at each other, nearly bursting into laughter. JJ and Dave, obviously in cahoots, did their homework. She led them to a lovely table, semi-secluded, in a corner. It was not out of the way but there was some privacy. Hotch held out Emily’s chair before he sat down. She said the server would be with them shortly.

 

“Thank you.” Emily replied.

 

The silence was a bit unnerving when they were alone. Hotch kept clearing his throat.

 

“Are you alright, Hotch? We don’t have to do this.”

 

“I'm fine, and you look amazing. Really amazing.”

 

Emily wore a maroon top with spaghetti straps and a deep v-neck with slacks the same color as his. Her dark hair was pulled back and up but she left flyaways that made her look carefree. He had never seen her so relaxed. Well, as relaxed as one could be suddenly on a date with their boss. She looked more relaxed than Hotch felt.

 

“Thank you. I'm going to kill JJ…slowly.” She said.

 

“We’ll need two new profilers. And possibly a new tech analyst.”

 

“Garcia too?”

 

“I don't know. She gave me great advice for tonight but that could have been because she knew what was coming. Can I be honest and say I'm petrified?”

 

“What?” Emily laughed a bit. “I don’t bite; not on the first date.”

 

“Dating is quite different than when I was last involved in it. I don’t want to embarrass myself.”

 

“Ditto. Unfortunately, I have been on enough blind dates to know at 20 paces that it will go one of three ways. Straight to hell, a.k.a. grin and bear it, tolerable with moments of enjoyment, or second date potential.”

 

“We’re closer than 20 paces now. So…”

 

The arrival of Doug, their server, saved Emily. He told them the specials and asked if they wanted to start with a bottle of wine.

 

“You choose.” Hotch deferred.

 

“A bottle of Chateau Ste. Michelle, please.”

 

“Yes ma'am. We have a lovely cold duck and brie appetizer on wheat wedges that would be lovely with that Riesling.”

 

“No thank you.”

 

Doug nodded and walked away. The two profilers once again stared at each other. Hotch really needed a way to break the ice. This was Emily and no matter how much conspiracy was involved, they were together now. This would be his only chance.

 

“Tell me about the most adventurous scar on your body.” He said.

 

“Are you serious?” her eyes widened.

 

“You heard me…most adventurous. You're not allowed to leave anything out.”

 

“I can't show it to you in public.”

 

“Tell me the story anyway.”

 

“Well, I only spent one summer at sleep away camp…”

 

***

 

Emily covered her mouth when she laughed. She pushed her hair behind her left ear when she was nervous. She talked with her hands when excited. Hotch sometimes had to run to catch up but he didn’t mind. He needed the exercise. His icebreaker worked; they barely stopped talking to breathe. They talked through her seared yellow fin tuna with mango chutney and his chicken fricassee. They laughed through most of a bottle of wine, not stopping until dessert came and went.

 

“What?” Emily asked, sipping her coffee. She felt full and content. It had been years since her sides and jaw ached from talking and laughing. Who was this fascinating, handsome specimen and what had he done with Aaron Hotchner?

 

“What, what?”

 

“The look on your face. It’s…”

 

“Pleased. I didn’t know what I was walking into tonight and it’s been wonderful. I feel relaxed and it’s been a while.”

 

“Well good.” Emily smiled.

 

“How do you feel?” Hotch asked.

 

“Stuffed.”

 

They both laughed. Hotch slid his hand over hers as it rested on the tabletop. 

 

“I should…would you excuse me for a moment?”

 

“Of course.” He lifted his hand, standing as she walked away from the table.

 

Having no idea why, Hotch counted to 90 before he pulled his Blackberry off his hip. He opened the text message feature.

 

‘ _You are probably somewhere patting yourself on the back_.’—Hotch

 

‘ _What_?’—David

 

‘ _Oh_ _don’t worry; we will have a nice chat tomorrow_.’—Hotch

 

‘ _Are you having fun_?’—David

 

“Did you get a phone call?” Emily asked, startling Hotch. “I'm sorry; I didn’t mean to scare you.”

 

“No, its alright.” He stood and once again pulled out her chair. “It was a text message…nothing important.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes.” Hotch nodded, wearing a smile that Emily returned. Doug arrived with the bill and told the couple to take their time. For a moment, the black bill book sat in the middle of the table. Emily put her hand over it before Hotch could.

 

“Let me,” she said.

 

He had to fight every ounce of Southern gentleman in him.

 

“Alright,” he nodded again. “But it’s on me next time, I promise.”

 

“Deal,” Emily smiled as she pulled her platinum Visa out of her small purse.

 

***

 

“I had fun tonight.” Emily said as they left the restaurant arm and arm. It was a lovely early summer evening.

 

“Me too. Did you drive?”

 

“I took a cab.”

 

“Let me take you home. I'm OK to drive; I only had a glass and a half of wine.”

 

“It’s out of your way.”

 

“How do you figure?”

 

“You live in Chevy Chase.”

 

“No.” Hotch shook his head. “I got a place in DC, I thought you knew. It’s a nice half-twin in Adams-Morgan. I didn’t need that big house anymore.”

 

“Why didn’t I know that?” Emily asked.

 

“You must have forgotten…I'm sure I mentioned it. C'mon, I'm parked around the corner.”

 

In Hotch’s truck, Emily tensed again. She could not explain why as she had been shotgun with him so many times. Lately they bickered without words when it came to who would drive. Type A personalities could not stay in the passenger seat for long. Hotch put the key in the ignition and Dave Matthews Band played through the speakers.

 

_Spring sweet rhythm dance in my head_

_Slip into my lover’s hands_

_Kiss me, won't you kiss me now_

_And sleep I would inside your mouth_

_Don’t be us too shy_

_For knowing it’s no big surprise_

_That I will wait for you,_

_I will wait for no one but you_

 

“I love this song.” She said.

 

“It’s a good one. I'm not a big fan of the band but this song…”

 

“Yeah.”

 

They were quiet again, Hotch driving and Emily looking out the window. It was about a 15-minute drive to the Watergate Suites but DC traffic could make it 25 minutes to a half hour sometimes. She wanted to find a million things to say with that time. That was not true, a million things didn’t matter. Emily wanted to say the right thing. Everything was perfect over dinner; conversation never once ebbed. Now it was almost as if she were tongue-tied.

 

“I want to do this again.” she finally said.

 

“Me too. I don’t know if…”

 

“Fraternization.” Emily finished his thoughts.

 

“Yeah.” Hotch nodded.

 

“We’re friends, right? Friends can have dinner and be friendly. The FBI has no rules against friendship, do they?”

 

“No, but…”

 

“What?”

 

Hotch sighed. He didn’t want to do that…didn’t want to bog down their lovely evening with those damned heavy weights. He pulled them off, throwing them out of the window. To hell with all of it. He was still going to kill Dave but Rossi had not been a profiler for all those years because he was dumb. Hotch thought he was doing a good job of keeping the feelings he had for Emily under wraps. He hardly understood them himself, how could anyone else?

 

“We should see a movie on Saturday.” He said.

 

“What?”

 

“The movies; you like movies right?”

 

“I do,” Emily nodded. “What movie?”

 

“ _The Bourne Ultimatum_ opens Friday.”

 

“I love Jason Bourne!” she exclaimed, covering her mouth.

 

“Then I guess you won't say no.” Hotch double-parked in front of the former hotel, flipping on the blinkers.

 

“Don’t you have Jack on Saturdays?”

 

“This week I will only have him on Sunday. I’ll check show times.”

 

“OK.” Emily nodded. “Tonight was great.”

 

Hotch leaned over, placing a chaste but sweet kiss on her lips.

 

“Goodnight, Emily.”

 

“Goodnight.”

 

She climbed out of the truck and stepped onto the curb. Stopping, Emily came back to the driver’s side window. Hotch rolled it down.

 

“What's the matter?”

 

Emily didn’t say a word. She leaned into the window and gave him a real kiss. Hotch caressed her face, deepening the kiss. When they finally pulled away, Emily kept her eyes closed for a few moments. Hotch wondered if she saw the same stars he did.

 

“Goodnight, Aaron.”

 

“’Night.”

 

She went into the building and he pulled off for home.

 

***

 

“I have a bone to pick with you.”

 

Emily walked into JJ’s office the next afternoon after lunch. She closed the door and sat down.

 

“Did it go badly?” JJ looked up from her paperwork. “I don’t get it; I thought you two would totally hit it off.”

 

“Stop playing games.”

 

“What do you mean?” Emily…”

 

“Hotch! What kind of game were you and Rossi playing? Why were you two playing at all? I would think Derek maybe but…”

 

“Hold on, hold on.” JJ held up her hand. “We need to slow down.”

 

“You set me up on a blind date with Hotch.”

 

“I did not.” JJ shook her head. 

 

“We went out last night. We had an eight o’clock reservation at Equinox. He said Dave set him up on a blind date.”

 

“I set you up with Terry Gibson from the DoD. He has been a friend of mine for a while…I really thought you two would hit it off. I honestly don’t know what Hotch has to do with it. Hold on,” she picked up the phone. “Dave, come down to my office please. Thanks.”

 

He was there in five minutes, leaning on the closed door.

 

“Did you set Hotch up on a blind date last night?” JJ asked.

 

“Yes.”

 

“With who?” Emily asked.

 

“Why?”

 

“Answer.” The women pressed in unison.

 

“OK, OK. Emily Schaffer. She is a friend of a friend; I thought he needed to get out some. Nothing too heavy, just dinner.”

 

“Oh my God,” Emily looked at JJ. “Terry walked in and asked for Emily…”

 

Both women started to laugh. Rossi just looked at them.

 

“Someone want to tell me what's going on?” he asked.

 

“No.” they replied in unison still laughing.

 

“Don’t worry Dave,” JJ stifled her laughter. “I think everything probably ended up as it should have.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes.” Emily stood up. “I have to go; excuse me.”

 

She left the office and Dave replaced her in the chair.

 

“What am I missing, because I know I'm missing something?”

 

“You are not going to believe what I'm getting ready to tell you but it’s all true.”

 

***

 

Emily tapped on Hotch’s door and he looked up from his paperwork. When he saw her, he tried not to smile as he beckoned her in with his hand. Their goodnight kiss played repeatedly in his head since he left her last night.

 

“What can I do for you, Prentiss?”

 

“I am about to tell you the craziest story I have ever heard,” she replied, closing his door. “It starts with two girls named Emily.”

 

***

                                                                                                                            


End file.
